You want to make yourself feel good after your divorce and f-ck around with a 25 year old little dancer, fine. Me I would have picked someone slighter taller, more attractive, to serve that purpose but your eyes are clearly bugged so...fine, fine on that point too. But don’t give him a career. Don’t put him in all your videos and name him the head choreographer of your tour. Don’t have him on national television in an interview that’s supposed to be about YOU to give him a bigger spotlight...

But that’s Jennifer Lopez.

Jennifer Lopez who is addicted to love in the most juvenile way. Jennifer Lopez who doesn’t value herself enough to wait to be earned. You say True Love doesn’t see status. I say True Love doesn’t hustle. She is being hustled. Otherwise, why would he be leveraging his title as “JLo’s boyfriend” to try and get an endorsement deal with a clothing company? My sources tell me he’s had this in play - so far unsuccessfully - for weeks. There has yet to be much interest. Because WHO THE F-CK ARE YOU???

Still...she keeps trying. She’s trying so hard that he even appeared during her interview with Good Morning America.

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

Something something about not giving up on the “fairy tale”. Something else about them falling in love “naturally”. Casper says they didn’t flirt much. That it just kind of happened. Please. You want to know how it happened?

It happened because he made a point of looking at her but fronting like he didn’t know she knew he was looking at her. And then, you know, missing a few dance moves here and there. Because he was distracted by her. Afterwards he would have approached her to apologise...

“Uhhh...sorry I was late coming in off that beat. I was just, errr, I was just...nah, forget it. I’m just sorry.” Not making eye contact, but compelled to make eye contact and visibly uncomfortable with parted lips and longing gulps. 

You see how easy it is to hook her? That’s all it takes to hook Jennifer Lopez. All it takes is for a backup dancer who can barely pay his rent to pretend like he can’t concentrate because she’s affected him.

“No, no, baby, tell me, tell me what you want to say.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have taken up your time. I should go. Um, yeah, sorry. I should really go.” He backs up but looks back just once... pausing as if he’s changed his mind, but then re-commits himself to leaving, as if it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done in his entire life. As if leaving was akin to death.

Aaaaaand... it’s DONE. It’s all she can think about. He’s in. And now he’s on national television AND the big man on tour. Look at those gross shots of them gazing into each others’ eyes. Look at them holding hands in Toronto yesterday. That’s what it looks like when a woman totally wastes herself. Jennifer Lopez is a waste.

But how do you know Lainey? How do you really know?

Casper went shopping at Zara yesterday - thanks Jem for sending in the sighting. He wore his shades in the store the entire time. A fire alarm went off. Casper bails for the door, skipping from side to side, worried that he would be sighted, like he was trying to avoid a crowd of fans blocking his exit, trapping him in an emergency situation.

That’s Casper Smart, Jennifer Lopez’s boyfriend. Who she’ll marry. After he proposes to her on her birthday. God her sh-t is so sad.