Let’s talk about Parker first. Parker is the movie Jennifer Lopez did with Jason Statham. A trailer has just been released and there’s a lot to laugh at, none of it intended that way. And immediately too, starting with Statham’s introduction. HE IS NOT PLAYING A CHARACTER. That’s...just who is when he’s trying to be who he thinks he should be!

I’ve not seen any Jason Statham movies. And I don’t mean Guy Ritchie movies that include Jason Statham. I mean the movies that always end in “-er”: The Bouncer, The Racer, The Woodchopper -- none of them. But my problem with this particular Jason Statham movie, and perhaps it characterises all Jason Statham movies, I dunno, is that it’s entirely based on something totally ridiculous -- in this case a person who’s supposed to kill him (evidently in front of entire crew of gangsters) fails to the only job that’s required of him. But whatever. If I can watch The Avengers, and Tony Stark building a machine that allows him to fly into another dimension to plant a nuclear bomb, I suppose I should be able to get down with this -- Jason Statham, the everyman hero who lives on the edge, only to find himself obsessed with revenge based on a rather fragile premise. Whatever. He’s given Jennifer Lopez a job. And this is the point.

Who was the genius who put this one together?

Somehow their characters’ interaction involves her taking her clothes off at the beginning of their relationship. Something tells me this is not Out Of Sight.

Oh yes Out Of Sight. Out Of Sight is the problem, isn’t it? Out Of Sight is why we complain about The Back-up Plan and all the other bullsh-t she signs on to. We might have to let go of Out Of Sight now. Out Of Sight is not the JLo who slumloves it with a cheesy backup dancer and waves a big ass ring around Europe, prompting a new round of speculation about whether or not she’s engaged for the 5th, maybe 6th time, if you count Puff Diddy.

Everyone’s talking about the diamond she had on at Paris Fashion Week. You can see a close-up of it below. I received an email the other day, or maybe it was a tweet, from someone who linked to a photo of it and wrote “Say it ain’t so, Lainey!”

What do you mean “Say it ain’t so”? It is ALWAYS so.

When have you known Jennifer Lopez NOT to fall in love for the sake of falling in love, and often loving down instead of loving across, or even up, and not end up married...for not-forever?

Here she is in Lisbon today and, obviously, that loser is there too. Also attached - Statham on the set of Homefront on Tuesday.