The first time I saw The Avengers, I nearly lost my f-cking mind over this line. There are so many lines. We could totally geek out for an hour on a liveblog just throwing lines back at each other. But this is why I love Tony Stark. Because he’s the greatest. “Shakespeare in the park” is another favourite. I also really love when he pokes Dr Banner just to see if he can Hulk him out. And of course catching Galaga. I mean, it doesn’t even seem like RDJ is trying. And he is still The Best. I want to be Jarvis. Just a talking machine, sarcastically.

Please. Stop yelling at me over spoilers. The movie just broke the weekend box office record and has been leaking for weeks. We are beyond spoiler cautions right now. That’s also why, though I was intending to write a review, I didn’t end up bothering. As I’ve been repeating over and over again for weeks, it’s pure, straight up fun - that’s all you need. And (for me anyway) Gwyneth Paltrow’s great legs in cut-off shorts.

So here’s Legolas in Hollywood on Saturday, demonstrating that 5 ft 7 is not an obstacle to good-pants-wearing. Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye is very good at walking and pointing and ordering people around. When he’s doing that I’m almost attracted to him.

Jacek, my Porsche expert and car nerd, tells me this is a 911 Cabriolet. It’s definitely not a Turbo because it has no spoiler. At the very least it’s not a Boxster.