A friend bbmed me the other day - “is there something wrong with me because Turtle is so hot?”

Turtle IS hot. Check him out waiting for his car outside a restaurant last night in Hollywood. Super cute, right? Made headlines a few weeks ago when he revealed he’s lost 55 lbs this year and his now walking down the beach shirtless with hot girls. Click here to see. Not sure yet if he’ll suddenly get all Kelly Osbourne on us and develop a new sense of validation now that he’s skinny.

And then there’s Jonah Hill. Here’s Jonah on August 6 at a Fox party in Malibu. I won’t lie. This is freaking me out. The same way it used to freak me out after Star Jones had her stomach stapled. (Jonah did not have his stomach stapled.) It’s to do with “Fu”. As I originally wrote then - click here for that old post - "Fu" - the Cantonese pronunciation is "fok"- is the symbol you often see at Chinese restaurants right beside those ceramic cats with one fist up in the air. “Fu” has many meanings across contexts. We are responsible for protecting our own “Fu” - our luck, our spiritual fortune - and we can grow it, we can spend it, but first we have to understand it. I for example will waste my “Fu” if I ever cut a fringe. I am also not terribly “Fu”-ey with certain colours and numbers. And I’ve had to get rid of a few moles in order to secure my “Fu”. My “Fu” is not strong when I’m too skinny. Other people are more “Fu” potent when they keep the weight off. Everyone has their own “Fu” formula. And as noted at the time, Star Jones’s Fu Formula was completely contaminated when she cut down her body. In Fu terms she totally trimmed down all her luck. See how she’s never been quite as successful, in any aspect of her life, since then? Sometimes I wonder if this is how the Chinese gods remind us that in life, you really can’t have it all.

I wonder then if this is why the new Jonah is making me so uneasy. Turtle Jerry Ferrara for instance still looks like himself. It’s still him...only lighter. Jonah light is, like, a totally different person. I’m curious if his “Fu” is comfortable inside this totally different person. I hope it is. Of course I do. To the onlooker though, it doesn’t feel the same. What if it isn’t?

Jonah has his own personal reasons for wanting to modify his appearance. I don’t doubt he’s much healthier. That’s great. And he should be. I want him to be. So how to balance healthiness with “Fu”, if in fact the “Fu” needs a readjustment? Here’s where you try to offset the loss of “Fu” in the weight with other things. Like maybe glasses? I’m not a “Fu” expert at all. Ever. I don’t actually know if glasses would work IF, and only IF, he’s lost his “Fu”. But suggestions like wearing glasses or cutting your hair a particular style or length, whatever, might tweak the “Fu” one way or the other. Also, I feel like he’d just look better in glasses. You?


Photos from Wenn.com and Roshan Perera/Splashnewsonline.com