As you know, Jessica Alba is all, like, socially involved now, claiming to have actively campaigned among Latino voters for the Obama campaign, even though not even two years ago, she did not want to be called Latina. These days though, Alba has a new image to sell.

She’s a mother, she an “actor”, she doesn’t want to be known as a “body”, not unless you pay her to star in your ad campaign for Campari.

Jessica Alba is also trying to convince you that she’s intelligent. That she is well spoken on … politics? Barack Obama? What?

Am not quite sure.

But she’s been everywhere in Washington and apparently trying to throw her weight around.

She called Bill O’Reilly and asshole the other day, which may be true, but asshole or not, unless she’s prepared to take him on straight up, and hold her own, that’s probably not the fight she wants to be picking. Dumbass.

So what do bullies do? They target and intimidate. Or at least they try to.

Check her out in this video – Jessica Alba looking like a total cow talking to a reporter, turning her recorder on for her “blog”, and interrogating him about President Obama’s best quality. When the reporter is unable to offer a response, she starts yelling at him, belligerently badgering the man as her voice becomes more and more shrill (have you noticed how annoying her voice is???), and unfortunately, just as she’s about to say something she would no doubt have regretted, her husband comes along and cuts her off.

That Cash is more clever than we give him credit for.

She on the other hand is a useless twat. Like that sanctimonious dickhead who gets schooled by Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, you remember? Damon swoops in to defend Ben Affleck at the bar and, as Minnie Driver looks on, systematically destroys every freshman argument that comes out of that know-it-all’s douchey mouth. How you like them apples?

She is That Girl, Jessica Alba. That Girl who’s read one book and regurgitates its contents over and over again like it’s a Ph.D in Everything.


Here the Alba Cow out and about at various inauguration events trying to pretend she knows.

Photos from