Pipsqueak and Scarlett Johansson? She’s much too much woman for his undropped balls.

But Jessica Biel? Jessica Biel is ideal. Jessica Biel is another TV Girl with a great ass. With ONLY an ass. An ass that has somehow earned her a ticket to the Globes and the Oscars and Paris Fashion Week. But Jessica Biel is by no means an A List Heavyweight. Jessica Biel in other words is the perfect accessory. It’s all she ever will be. And she knows this too. She knows she would never have made the cover of Us Weekly if not on the coattails of the Pip: always attached to boyman, never on her own merit. And clearly, never ever if Scarlett had wanted anything more to do with him.

Which is how Jessica Biel got Pip back.

JT and Biel together again…holding hands at a party, PDA at a party, apparently moving beyond the undercover flirtation ironically when both their former flirtations had somehow found each other. Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson – a real man for a real woman in a PR-friendly new hook up, and now Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel – a whiny bitch for a wannabe…

Totally makes sense.