Pipsqueak is done with another one. NEXT is the new word on his mind. Who? We’ll get to that later. For now, let’s examine the split.

Not surprisingly, the official statement that was widely released last night made the claim that the breakup was a joint decision:

"Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other."


Who believes these?

Because, like, what’s the alternative? As if they would ever actually put out something that reads like this:

"Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship, we are confirming that Justin did indeed dump Jessica because he’s been bored for a while. This is not what Jessica wants but she’s willing to remain friends because she’ll take anything she can get.”

That would be the more truthful version.

As for taking anything she can get, well, she’s been doing that a while now, non? She ate it during the Olivia Munn affair, she ate it before when he went to Vegas and invited some dancers up to his suite, she’s been eating it for three years, because being his girlfriend, at least in her mind, is worth the second class citizen treatment.

So what happened?

Justin and Jessica were last seen together officially after the Oscars at the Vanity Fair party where they were all smiles for cameras as Jessica put on a brave face in the same room with Cameron Diaz. Click here for a refresher. Kinda fitting actually. You’ll recall, it was Jessica who pursued Justin aggressively when his relationship with Cam was coming to an end, resulting in Cam losing her sh-t at the Golden Globes when she found out that Jessica had wormed her way in there.

During this past awards season however it was Jessica who was scrambling to keep clinging. Which is a f-cking headshake in and of itself. Like clinging isn’t bad enough – imagine scrambling to keep clinging? The last sighting of the two took place the day after the Oscars; they went bowling with his mother. Here’s a short video:

Video assumption says he looks trapped. And dude, what’s with all the hanging out with the mother? It’s not just here, it’s a LOT and everywhere. I’m told Ma T is around very often. I mean, I love my mother-in-law but, like, I don’t want to party with her, you know what I mean?

Anyway, that was February 28th. Two weeks later, that sh-t is done. And despite her best efforts to insist that she’s ok, that she’s tough, that she was always more focused on her “work”, I hear Jessica tried everything to make him stay. But after all these years, she had offered everything up already. He was heading out the door. Which is why she was apparently gripping it so hard at his birthday party.

She’d organised a surprise. Then she gave a toast. During the toast she told the story about how they met and exchanged numbers and waited and waited for him to call, joking that she got so impatient, she started driving towards his house, and she still hadn’t heard from him by the time she was outside of it. Um. Then she continued gushing about how much she loved him.

His reaction? He “laughed it off”, appearing to be uncomfortable. Dick. (Source)

They say his decision had been made around his birthday, well before the Oscars, but that he put it off until afterwards, knowing he’d be in public, not wanting to let his love life overshadow his acting life, presenting at the Oscars and all. I guess that’s where he and Jessica differ. In the end though, it’s not that he wanted more, it’s that he wants something else.

Mila Kunis?

Not necessarily. Not specifically. But Pippy is interested in some playtime. And it doesn’t hurt either that Pippy’s playtime would be happening when he has two movies to sell, when he has to appeal to a certain demographic to think of him as single and hot and available again, a fantasy that might translate into ticket stubs. Or a flirtation that might intrigue you enough to spend 2 hours with him at the movies suffering through his bad acting.

As for Jessica…

You know, this may not be a bad thing. Now that she’s single, and you know her game, she’ll be angling to make it happen with the Next Hot Thing, leaking it everywhere every time she so much as says hi to anyone attractive. That’ll keep her in the headlines. And note this:

I’ve been hearing from multiple sources lately that Biel is in consideration for at least two MAJOR profile projects working with MAJOR profile, very influential Hollywood players. The parts don’t require much skill, if any, but they’re looking for an attractive girl who can stand there and be the “girlfriend”. And a lot of girls want this job. I’m told Jessica’s very near the top of the list, if not at the top, specifically for a movie involving a dude who might, once in a while, fly around saving the world in a cape. Wouldn’t it be convenient if she booked the role and then started dating her handsome costar with an accent? There’s a LOT better than Justin Timberlake out there. She’ll be back on the cling soon enough. Trust.

For now though…

The way they were.

File photos from Flynetonline.com