That’s all she’s got? That’s all she brought?

No one cared about Easy Virtue at TIFF. Like seriously, it came and went and received rather tepid reviews and Shelf Ass had to restrategise. Next thing you know, she and Pipsqueak are photographed every f-cking day on holiday in Rome

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Now the studio is pushing her out hard front and centre as the driving force for the film. Thank you Justin Timberlake. Even the director is making grandiose statements – something about the fact that she has “arrived”, that the world will take notice that Jessica Biel is a fine actor.


So anyway, amid all this hype, check out how Shelfy chose to look on the red carpet last night at the Rome Film Festival.

Underwhelming, non?

This dress on anyone else would have been something else. This dress on a Shelf Ass falls flat. Totally flat. Except for the ass. Of course the ass.

She worked hard to make sure you don’t miss the ass. How can you miss the ass? I can’t miss the ass. There’s the ass. The ass from several angles. Do you see the ass? Look at the ass! Are you looking at the ass? How many times did you look at the ass? Why aren’t you staring at the ass? You should be staring at the ass. The ass, the ass, the ass, Jessical Biel, the ass, the ass, the ass, is an actor, the ass, the ass, the ass.

The ass is the idea, didn’t you know?

Photos from and