Amazing what an ass and a Pip can achieve.

Jessica Biel is now adding producer to her resumé and has acquired the rights to the film adaptation of the book Die a Little by Megan Abbott about “a schoolteacher whose life is thrown out of whack when her detective brother falls for a mysterious woman.”

The story in the novel takes place in the 1950s but of course since Shelf Ass looks better in contemporary clothing, they’ve now switched the setting to present day. Needless to say, Jessica will play the “mysterious woman” leaving someone with more sophisticated acting abilities to tackle the more challenging but less sexed up role of the schoolteacher, the official excuse being that Shelfy will be too busy “producing”.

I’m telling you, Justin Timberlake is going to have to marry this girl. Because at this rate, with all the benefits he brings to her life, personally and professional, she will never, ever let him go.

Stage Five Clinger, see?

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