Shelfy f-cks for her next movie

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 30, 2009 09:55:07 October 30, 2009 09:55:07

Smart. Go back to your roots, girl. Use your body. It’s all you have.

Shrinking Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has found her next role. No longer scrounging for the Portman/Knightley/Hathaway discards, perhaps finally ready to accept that real acting is not in her future, Shelfy is now confirmed to star in and produce a comedy called F-cking Engaged about a couple who promise to f-ck every day so that their marriage won’t become stale. For serious. That is the premise.

So presumably she’ll be naked? A lot?

Astute. Very, very astute. Overreaching was getting her nowhere.

As for whether or not Jessica can actually carry a comedy…


It’s another one of her classic quotes. Like when she said her beauty was a burden, Jessica also once blamed her physique on the fact that she doesn’t get offered many comedic scripts:

"I've never gotten to do romantic comedy like most of the girls. Maybe because I'm fit, people assume that I'm not funny?"


And this is the sh-t that keeps her on the sh-t list.

Shut up and take off your clothes. After all, it’s what you encouraged in the first place.

I’ve attached for your viewing pleasure a few photos that illustrate Jessica Biel’s sole selling strategy, and also my all time favourite photo of her taken a few years ago that she probably emailed to Justin Timberlake every day until he agreed to take her out.


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