I say napkin. Like a napkin tucked in during a meal. But some of you are saying towel, a towel hanging on a bar in your bathroom.

Whatever the case…

It’s balls! And it’s f-cking amazing!

When we saw this on the pool feed, I almost twisted my ankle jumping up and down with excitement on my 6 inches. Have I talked about my shoes yes? My shoes were the best part.

Anyway… Biel’s dress last night = PURE happiness. Me = Hands clapping like an emotionally stunted Hello Kitty with a new pencil case.

The purple nasty she changed into for Vanity Fair wasn’t all that much better either. She looked like Prince’s first guard. This is how I imagine Prince’s house – with women dressed up in Egyptian robes flanking every bedroom and only a secret password for entry:

Peaches and Cream.

But enough daydreaming about living at Prince’s…

This is about the assy style of Shelf Ass Jessica Biel.


Justin Timberlake is one of the few straight men who can appreciate the sartorial originality of Kate Moss. He has great taste. And while it’s perhaps unrealistic to expect his girlfriend to possess the same eye, you’d think at the very least she could stop herself from looking like donkey balls every time she goes out…



He probably doesn’t care. As long as he looks good, what does it matter?

Can we rag on People Magazine for a second though?

They named her one of the BEST DRESSED.


Every other show commentator singled her out as hideous but the anal licking (sorry, had to be said) People goes so far as to call it a winner?

Give it a f-cking rest. For once!

Still…even though her publicist was able to get People onside, the Shelf can’t be happy today. She will know that the rest of us hated it. She will know that she’s being panned. Worse still… Pips was not even in LA.

Pips stayed back in New York and Gawker is reporting he was hanging out last night with a gaggle of girls. Nothing smutty was observed – openly at least – but the implication is enough to send Shelfy straight across the country for a candid sighting very soon.

This is what my people call Double Happiness.

Photos from Flynetonline.com and Wenn.com and Gettyimages.com

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