Jessica Biel has been hustling New Year’s Eve pretty hard around the world. The last few days it’s been in New York. This morning it was The Today Show.

And these spectacularly terrible shiny green sateen pants. Don’t you wish you could see them without the coat on? To truly appreciate how bad they are?

Look, they’re wrinkling at the crotch already. And they make a thin girl appear as though she has wide thighs. How do these crazy style decisions get made???