Jessica Simpson is kicking off promotion for her new show Price of Beauty on VH1 premiering in March. Here she is on the cover of the March issue of Allure. Note how lovely she can look with proper styling. Note that with the direction of someone fashionable, Ken Paves is actually capable of making her look not cheap and tacky or soapy. These photographs are beautiful. I very much like the one in black and white.

But then she starts talking. And you know, my Porny isn’t the brightest. This is why, ultimately, one can’t hate on Porny that hard. You can’t hate on someone who is so genetically stupid. It’s just not all that fun.

In the interview, Porny talks about boys and beauty, she talks about high waisted horrors, she says she’s still friends with Tony Romo, that none of her breakups were acrimonious, and that she’s looking for love in arty places:

“(I will marry) an artistic man...It will show you the colors of my character, the person that I fall in love with next. I don't even have a type! I don’t have a physical type. I have an emotional type."

She’s right. Her last 3 boyfriends (John Mayer/Tony Romo/Billy Corgan) have all been ego-raging douchebags, all of them so happy to f-ck her, but also so very ashamed of her. If she’d let me be her friend, I’d tell her to stay away from the artists. What she needs is a non-celebrity. And also a NO person. Because these bitches, they are surrounded by YES people. And these YES people never tell them when they’re talking and thinking out their asses. Which is why she made this dumbass declaration during the interview:

"I will never do nudity. I don't care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know. I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me. I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband-ha-ha-ha."

F-cking idiot. Porny seems to have forgotten about the video for These Boots. She may not have been nude but in many ways she was totally naked. In her mind though, since her nipples were covered, it totally means she’s still respectable. Jesus she is dumb. SO DUMB. Like, incurably dumb. And therefore always led astray. I am worried about this tv show.