Porny’s pregnant Halloween

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 1, 2011 11:39:02 November 1, 2011 11:39:02

Jessica Simpson officially officially announced on her website yesterday that she and that freeloader are expecting. Apparently sheΓÇÖd been planning it for a while. Even put together a special ΓÇ£mummyΓÇ¥ Halloween/White Snake video photo shoot.

How about the fact that it took a gag costume for her to finally find her waist, something she seems to ignore when she waddles around, dressed by herself. You see how flattering it is when sheΓÇÖs clothed to her proportions? That might be a tacky ass outfit, but at least it actually fits her properly. And please, 100% this was designed by someone else. DonΓÇÖt be ridiculous.

But I can’t with the fiancé, I really can’t with this guy...

Like, I know weΓÇÖre all not Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie but goddamn, the way he looks as Larry Bird, and his pants the other day when the two of them were photographed out in Beverly Hills, itΓÇÖs like... heΓÇÖs stopped trying. And you know why heΓÇÖs stopped trying? Because he doesnΓÇÖt have to try anymore. He doesnΓÇÖt have to go to Wharton anymore. SheΓÇÖs given him the motherf-cking jackload. And she isnΓÇÖt asking for anything more.

It is enough that he loves her. Or pretends to. It is enough that he wants to be with her. Which is the grossest chicken soup bullsh-t thatΓÇÖs been pushed on us over the Oprah years. That love alone is enough. Is it? Not for me. You should love me but if you stop improving, or wanting to improve, I donΓÇÖt think IΓÇÖm going to want to love you back. And thatΓÇÖs not so much a matter of how I value you, thatΓÇÖs a matter of how I value ME. Now take that bra and whip it around.

The good news for her? HeΓÇÖs so f-cking lazy heΓÇÖs found a permanent parking spot. This guy isnΓÇÖt moving. And at the age of 30, I donΓÇÖt think sheΓÇÖll ever wake up one day and realise she did herself a disservice. Great. These two will make it. The advantage, I guess, of genetic stupidity.

LOMELI/ Bauer-Griffin

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