Jessica Simpson posted a video from her baby shower yesterday. It’s short, so have a look first and we’ll regroup after:


This shower happened on March 18th.


Can you imagine how uncomfortable she must be now?

Jessica tweeted the other day that she is indeed still pregnant and did not give birth last weekend as was erroneously reported. She hasn’t been seen publicly in 2 weeks or so. Probably because she can’t move around. I mean, no kidding. I’m writing this at Duana’s. We’ve just spent 15 minutes talking about the length of this pregnancy. And trying to figure out how much longer this pregnancy will go. Duana knows a lot more about pregnancy timelines etc than I do. She found this link. The hypothesis is that when Jessica formally confirmed she was expecting (as a “mummy”) on Halloween, she was only 3 and a half months. If we’re to believe that, she will deliver (soon, for her sake, I hope) at full normal term around May 1. This prompted me to google “longest gestation period mammals”. FYI it’s the African elephant’s at 660 days.

F-ck me, can you imagine being pregnant for two years???

Some think Jessica may have already had the baby and is just waiting to explode her exclusive baby photos in our faces. I’m a conspiracy whore as much as the next person but in her case, I’m inclined to believe she’s legit still pregnant and is stuck up in her house, on her couch, yelling at it to get out of her because even she, the lazy fart, is tired of not being able to stand.

The point is the female body is a marvelous, fascinating thing. And it exists in so many forms, something we all know, and accept, and don’t dispute... until someone else gets pregnant and doesn’t look exactly the way YOU did. Which is when we all get to jump all over her and call her a fraud.

Note that they panned over to the “M” at the end of that video. Does that mean anything for pregnancy people and babies? Or... is it a clue about the name? Remember that rumour about her naming the baby Maxwell, Maxi for short?