My favourite line from the new Jessica Simpson Vanity Fair cover story:

“… the sudden weight gain, as evidenced by pictures that turned up in the tabloids earlier this year showing the starlet, onstage, looking less than slender, holding the microphone like a turkey leg, and wearing what were described everywhere as “mom jeans.”

Runner up:

“The problem with Simpson’s movies, especially those she’s been asked to carry, is her acting, which is not very good. As an actress, she’s slightly less skillful than the actress who replaced Suzanne Somers on Three’s Company.”

And it gets funnier from there.

Seriously…this article is HILARIOUS. The way the writer writes about her is HILARIOUS. And refreshing! Because few celebrities can be written about so irreverently. But Jessica Simpson…Jessica Simpson no longer commands that kind of respectful distance. Which is what makes this piece so great. Even insightful.

You will giggle at the comparisons between Jessica and Britney and Christina, especially in relation to burger joints, but scratch a bit further and a clearer picture of Porny emerges – what’s behind her tits is a girl who has always understood that she belongs in 3rd. Makes you want to root for her: she’s dumb and lazy but she’s also rather sweet.

It’s her father who needs to be examined. And the best part of this article is that the writer does not hold back on that assertion. But Papa Joe is still in control. Which is why even though it was supposed to be a fluff piece, it ended up being more: an article that takes you by surprise.

Jessica is rich. She’s rich from her clothing line. Rich, yes. But not successful. Right now, in fact, she’s seen as a failure. Failed actress, failed singer, failed tv star, failed wife, and failed Dallas Cowboys girlfriend…

But at the very least, at the very least, look what happens when Porny is styled properly and shot by Mario Testino…

Gorgeous, right?

Flattering form, beautiful angles, don’t particularly like the way they photoshopped her legs into looking like twigs when she has them crossed on the lawn chair, but overall, when she isn’t picking her own clothes, when she’s in the hands of those who know, Jessica Simpson has so much potential.

If only dad could stop running her career out of his ass.

Click here for the full article and more photos.