My Porny landed the cover of a tabloid and it has nothing to do with high waisted jeans or getting urinated on! I’m so proud.

This of course is all about her new boyfriend and former NFL player Eric Johnson. Johnson filed for divorce in January. He met Jessica Simpson in May. But already he’s taken Porny to meet the family – they just returned from his grandparents’ 60th anniversary celebration in Florida. It’s only been 5 weeks but apparently Porns is rushing into it, “desperate not to be alone”, so desperate that she may be allowing Johnson to control her already.

Great. So much has changed. This must be how she’s finding her inner beauty.

I am just as serious about being Jessica Simpson’s friend as I am about the wickedness of Hollywood Ebola Paris Hilton who, by the way, has never, ever been tight with Jessica and Jessica has never courted it. Can you imagine? All the mistakes that Porns makes on her own, and if you were to combine that with an Ebola infection? What kind of pants would result from that kind of contamination?

No, Ebola hates Porny, and this is Porny’s best feature.

Click here to see the first photo of Jessica with Eric Johnson.