Jessica Simpson and her attachment Eric Johnson went out for dinner last night to Red-O in Hollywood. Also there, purely by coincidence, was ex-husband Nick Lachey with his long-time squeeze Vanessa Minnillo. No, no, no, I’m sure it wasn’t awkward. But Eric was awfully extra about his affection towards Porny while they were leaving, leaning in from behind with the cameras in their faces, recognising a moment where he’d be extra needed.

See how pretty she is when her face isn’t all jacked up with tacky makeup? But I have a bone to pick with her people, and it’s more than just the styling this time. As you know, I’ve been saying for a long, long time she not only needs proper friends, she also needs proper management. People who have some sense. People who won’t keep making her look like sh-t.

You’ve heard about this little situation with the troops?

Jessica is big on the troops. And she’s putting out a new album of Christmas songs and she wanted to include the troops. So last week, during a recorded performance in New York, she invited along some troops, a band appropriately called 4Troops, who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, to sing along with her during the taping of her Christmas programme to air on PBS.

Unfortunately, despite waiting around for hours, the 4Troops never had the chance. Because they were wearing army fatigues and not tuxedos. Apparently Joe Simpson wouldn’t put them onstage over a wardrobe issue.

A rep for 4Troops confirmed that that’s how it went down, telling Page Six: "Joe should be ashamed of himself."

Sgt Daniel Jens, a member of 4Troops, was also very clear about his feelings on how the situation was handled: "I am so disappointed and angry, I threw up when I got back to my room."

How did Camp Simpson respond? Oh they denied it. Of course they did.

"The song was cut due to time. Jessica wasn't even aware. She is wholeheartedly devoted to the troops...The military was the source of inspiration for her entire Christmas album."

See now I believe that Jessica wasn’t aware. She’s actually unaware of almost everything. Like I’ve said over and over again, some people are born with brown eyes, some are born stupid, you can’t argue with genetics. And so they think for her because she can’t think for herself. The problem is that they suck at their jobs.

If the f-cking show is devoted to the troops, put the goddamn duet at the top and cut out one of her other sh-tty songs without the troops in it! How hard is it to make up a schedule? It’s infuriating, and it’s also really, really amateur. Porny always seems to be hobbling up to the counter of life tied together by two raggedy strings screaming low budget. A low budget, farting, puking, veteran-rejecting dumbass who loves men who treat her badly. We have an image problem, non?

Photos from and SPW/