I mean, are you really surprised? At this point, can any of us really claim ignorance?   You didn’t actually think that Jessica Simpson could name her baby Nathaniel or Jacob, so this isn’t that much of a surprise, right? 

Ace Knute. And, in what’s arguably the worst part of the announcement for me, every media outlet takes care to specify that it’s “pronounced  ‘Ka-nute’”. As though this is so special or new. Knute Rockney was, of course, a famed Notre Dame football coach. And that’s fine.  

Ace is also, in itself, fine, I guess, in a very obvious, we-want-this-kid-to-be-alpha way. But the overall effect is just so clumsy in its intent. This kid has no choice but to be a sports star, they hope. Hell, they haven’t even left the nicknaming to his teammates. In a way, it’s exactly indicative of this kind of helicopter parent, right?   They’ve chosen his occupation, attitude towards life, nickname -- can you imagine the improbable scenario in which Ace Johnson wants to get his PhD in physics?

It reminds me of a guy I knew named Tom. Tom was an immigrant who wanted to fully embrace the North American experience. One might have thought his name, “Tom”, was onomastically pretty advantageous. But Tom didn’t think so. In fact, he vowed he was going to make sure his child’s name was much more straightforward.   He wanted “Johnny FootballHero” as a first name.

Of course, Tom was 19, and drunk. Jessica and Eric are allegedly grown adults.  

Enterprising lit agents could probably sign Ace and his sister Maxwell to a book deal right about now.