One step forward, five steps back.

Oh Porny. Don’t you have a mirror?

On Friday night, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo took her tits out for dinner at the Waverly Inn. She looks like she can barely walk. She looks like she can barely breathe!

Apparently the sight of her heaving cans were meant however to distract from the housecoat she decided to wear as a dress. Proof that black isn’t always slimming. Because the shapelessness of this… robe… is what’s making her look like a waddling blob with massive breasts. Add that to the mother matron hair and suddenly she’s a f-cking pioneer!

Porny the Pioneer!

It’s like the harder she tries, the worse it gets. Compare and contrast with her arrival at LAX on Sunday. SO MUCH BETTER, see?

Anyway, as usual, Porny’s not only f-cking up on the style front, she’s also assing it out of her mouth too.

At her show on Saturday in Rochester, Jessica dedicated “You’re My Sunday” to her boyfriend, telling the audience:

“I'm celebrating the life I'm living right now. Somebody came into my life and made me see myself in the best mirror possible, so I wrote this song for (him).”

Are you cringing? Are you shaking your head? Do we need to strap her down and put her into man detox for a week?

Totally.

She’ll foam at the mouth, she’ll beg us to let her call him, to let her text him, to let her tell him that he’s her everything. We must not give in. She will shake, she might convulse, she’ll be overpowered by the need to throw it away. Some of you call it “the power”, others call it the “juju” or the “mojo”. I call it the Lola. Every woman has her own Lola. Girls like Jessica are constantly offering their Lolas to their men. At her darkest hour, Jessica might even want to offer her Lola to the delivery dude who walks by the window, any dude will do at her most desperate. We must not give in.

Girls don’t let girls give their Lolas away.

Photos from Bauergriffinonline.com and Splashnewsonline.com