I am her friend. And friends don’t lie to friends. But Porny, well, I think Porny is lying to me. And I think she’s lying to you too.

It’s the new issue of Marie Claire. Here’s what the magazine claims:

As Marie Claire's guest beauty editor, Jessica Simpson embraces the new natural look, with air-dried hair and no makeup.

Really? NO MAKEUP? Do you believe she’s not wearing ANY makeup? Because I think I see some blush. And there’s probably some concealer. Also some sh-t around the eyes. Powder for sure.

As for the hair...

Air-dried hair...

Does it count as air-dried hair when her personal hair stylist and BFF Ken Paves was hovering 2 ft away after styling it? And braiding it?

Of course it does.

Because celebrity definitions are not our definitions.

Only a f-cking moron of a celebrity would travel around the world exploring the Price of Beauty with a personal stylist and look almost perfect the entire time. And these vanilla celebrity watchers, they will just eat this sh-t up without a challenge. Without actually pressing the issue...

This kind of fraud is a disservice to real women. It’s totally irresponsible. Why is it the job of the bitch ass dirty gossip bloggers to call this out and throw it back in her face only to get criticised for being too critical? Being nice at the expense of intelligence is a waste of time.

Watch. This issue will be a bestseller.

I hate people.

And one more thing. There’s a quote about “hair trends” from Ken Paves that goes along with the article. You’ll love this:

"I think we hit a plateau of overproduced beauty where hair became too cartoonish. Now people want a more natural, achievable look.”


Motherf-cker, do you even know your own work?

Click here for more photos of Jessica with “no makeup” in Marie Claire.