After the way she looked yesterday at the airport – click here for a refresher – many of you wrote to me swearing up and down that my Porny must be pregnant. You people have also sworn up and down that Kate Hudson/Katie Holmes/Jennifer Garner/Britney Spears/Angelina Jolie have all been pregnant, and they weren’t.

Still, you seem convinced that her face bloat, and curves, and the fact that she cancelled Letterman last night claiming the flu (or morning sickness) are all slamdunk signs that Jessica Simpson is having a baby, especially on the heels of this quick engagement and her purchase of her own engagement ring etc.

You could be right.

But it’s hard to say.

Because, well, because it’s not like she hasn’t been looking bloaty for the better part of a year. And, let’s face it, at the risk of you getting mad at me, sometimes bloaty isn’t from baby, sometimes bloaty is just from a combination of woman sh-t and, um, weight.

You have to remember – Jessica Simpson is not only genetically stupid, she’s also chronically lazy. She’s mentally lazy, and she’s physically lazy. This thing, it’s not a self starter. It’s not someone who is super motivated at life, super ambitious about...anything, really, beyond boys.

So now that she’s found her man, a man who needs her to be dependent on him emotionally, all she does – encouraged by him no doubt – is sit around all day and eat, sleep, burp, and fart. When it’s food time, they probably put a plate in front of her and pick it up in half an hour. When it’s bed time, they probably carry her up the stairs and dress her in her jammies. She doesn’t brush her teeth – she’s already admitted that – so why would you think she bothers to take care of herself in other ways?

And, as such, while she could very well, yes totally, be expecting (I have no idea either way and am not ruling out the possibility) but she could also simply be ...not taking care of herself.

This is Porny leaving her hotel this morning on her way to the morning show circuit accompanied by her mom and dad.


Photos from Flynetonline.com and INF