The Great Porny Unveiling

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 6, 2012 14:49:21 September 6, 2012 14:49:21

We’re 4 days away from Jessica Simpson’s post-pregnancy body unveiling on Katie Couric’s new show on Monday. While she tries to sweat off as many pounds as possible until then, details about her weight loss progress, or lack of progress, have been released. All of it, of course, in service of Porny’s deal with Weight Watchers in her role as the company’s spokesperson.

It’s a very sensitive subject, weight. We’re not supposed to shame people for gaining it. We’re not supposed to celebrate people who lose too much of it. We debate about the focus on it, especially as it relates to women, and the impact it has on self-esteem. To be honest, as I work on this article at 6am, likely for an hour, I don’t want to go into the weight discussion, especially as I’m crunched for time and could easily bang off 3 other posts in the hour or more it’ll take to get through this one for which I’ll likely be yelled at.

But the way Jessica Simpson is being sold right now, like some kind of champion for the heavy, a leader for the girls who’ll never be skinny...

It’s bullsh-t. And it’s insulting. And, to take it one step further, it’s damaging. Very, very, very damaging.

Here’s what Simpson told USA today about her pregnancy:

"I let myself indulge in everything I wanted because it was the first time I was ever pregnant, and I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to be happy and eat what I wanted. I didn't realize it (the weight) didn't all come off with the baby.”

First of all, as Maria said in a ragey email to me the other day, thanks for pointing out you’d never been pregnant before, Jessica. How’s that for making connection with the MiniVan subconscious? Also, by realising that the weight didn’t come off with the baby, did she think she was giving birth to the world’s first 50 pound fetus? And if that were true, how is it that she signed her deal with Weight Watchers - for a reported $4 million - BEFORE the baby was even born? So are you a f-cking idiot or are you just lying about being greedy, calculating, and pragmatic? I’d prefer greedy, calculating, and pragmatic. The problem is that’s not how we’re supposed to read her.

We’re supposed to read her as a blissed out mommy who blithely indulged in the wonder of the life growing inside her, the common experience that joins all women, JUST LIKE YOU:

"I feel like everybody can do what I am doing. I'm not a supermodel. My body is not bouncing back like a supermodel. I'm just your everyday woman who is trying to feel good and be healthy for her daughter, her fiancé and herself."

“I feel like everybody can do what I’m doing.” Sure. Because all you mothers out there, you farted away your pregnancy and then someone came along and offered to pay you millions of dollars to lose weight and you could afford to pay nannies and housekeepers and all manner of staff to look after all the sh-t you had to look after while nursing your kid and managing your life. But it’s not just the money, is it? It’s also the time. Jessica Simpson’s ONLY JOB this entire time, aside from feeding the baby, was to lose weight. That’s it. And that’s supposed to represent you? And we’re supposed to applaud her? Like this is courage? Like this is inspiring? Will they all stand up on the Katie show next week and fist pump every time she says “I can’t be a supermodel and I’m just a regular girl with hips who likes chips and chocolate and rah rah rah!”

I think they will.

Which is sad and infuriating.

Because they’re identifying with someone who, frankly, isn’t good enough for them. For you. You do it with a short maternity leave and a mortgage and a grocery list and not much sleep. And no one throws a party for you and presents you with a cheque for $4 million. So why are you looking up to someone who’d probably pay a person to sh-t for her if such a thing was possible? Looking up to Jessica Simpson just because she hasn’t lost weight fast is selling yourself short. Jessica Simpsons sells us short. Everything about Jessica Simpson sells us short.

Click here to read Simpson’s full interview with USA Today.


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