Porny in the face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 26, 2010 07:51:14 May 26, 2010 07:51:14

Jessica Simpson attended the Gracie Gala last night in Beverly Hills and was honoured with the 2010 Dove Real Beauty Award for her “substance and spirit” as a positive public representative for girls... what?

I’ve decided to no longer question this sh-t. Famous people receive awards. Often for no reason. The end.

My Porny was accompanied to the event by her mother, wearing a one shoulder gown that um I suppose isn’t her worst and her body looks good but I have to say it, at the risk of pissing you off I have to say it –her face is so puffy all the time. Why is it so puffy? Like at the dentist, when there’s gauze on either side of your mouth, stuffed into your cheeks, this is what Porny’s face is doing all the time. Relax bitches, I’m not saying it’s weight. It’s obviously NOT weight. She’s fit, she’s toned, I already said her body looks tight. Her face though, as my mother would say, SO fruffy – ie Fluffy.

But you know what it is?

It’s wine.

Porny must love her wine. She doesn’t love her wine too much to be a problem, no, but she loves it too often for still photos. I cut down on the wine a few months ago because I was getting rashes and my cheekbones came back. Vodka soda keeps you hydrated.

Photos from and Valerie Macon/

Previous Article Next Article