But what about Chris Martin?

Star Magazine photo assumed the dumbest story last week about Jessica Simpson dealing with Tiger Woods suggesting they had an affair. Simpson immediately denied the report and according to Gossip Cop she had her lawyer send over a warning, demanding a retraction. Or else. The lawyer must have been in a rush. There were a lot of typos. Nonetheless, the message is clear. That sh-t did not go down. Porny wants you to know it.

Unlike Chris Martin. When Star broke the exclusive alleging that Gwyneth’s husband was cheating on her with that pathetic Kate Bosworth, Chris’s reps announced they’d be taking legal action. So far no legal action has been taken. Just saying.

As for Jessica… well… aside from denying she f-cked Tiger Woods, she also spent the weekend cleaning out her ear with her main gay Ken Paves. This is not a euphemism for finger banging. Porny posted a video of her ear candling on her Twitter. Have you ever had your ears candled? I did it once. My mother totally believed it in for about 3 months and made me and Jacek try it one Christmas a few years ago. It was alright for me but I prefer my ear scraper.

Chinese folks know about the ear scraper. You non-Chinese will probably think it’s gross but seriously, the ear scraper is the best thing ever. Picture a metal rod about the thickness of two toothpicks with a rounded miniature half scoop on one end. Like the teeny tiniest spoon in the world. That’s an ear scraper. We stick the scoop side in our ear and gently carefully scratch and scrape away the wax. It feels GOOD. And in all my ear experience, nothing works like it, nothing gets an ear itch like an ear scraper.

Photo from Wenn.com