Jessica Simpson tweeted this yesterday:

There are rumors that I was "drunk swaying" at the Adele concert last night. That wasn't drunk swaying, that was professional dancing!

It’s funny, right? It’s actually not a bad joke. The question is - is my Porny clever enough to make a joke? You know I have a soft pity spot when it comes to Porny. And I don’t actually think she was serious about calling it “professional dancing”. I actually think she may have been making fun of herself. Does this mean I’m as stupid as she is?

She is endearingly stupid though, isn’t she? So even if she was, stupidly, not kidding about it being “professional dancing”, I guess the end point is that we laughed. Porny, intentional or not, always entertains.

This is my Porny yesterday with the freeloading fiancé out for lunch and then a movie. You are entertained by how she arrived at the conclusion that it would be flattering to step out in a tent. You are entertained by her footwear, always stripper-y even when they’re way out of a stripper’s price range. You are entertained by the fact that her future husband keeps setting world records for the assy-ness of how he wears his pants. I’m not convinced that these two will make it down the aisle.

I mean, I wasn’t kidding yesterday when I wrote that John Mayer isn’t over her. My friend Eleni pointed out that he can’t go long without talking about her. And that, really, is John Mayer. John Mayer is still trying to prove himself in high school. He’s the high school boy who is mean to the girl he likes because that’s the only way he can show he likes her. And if he still likes her, John Mayer will make a Gesture. One of Those Gestures. A song of something. Some kind of stunt. He usually can’t help himself.

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