Madonna’s pretend boyfriend has landed a feature in Interview. Don’t ask me to tell you what he says. Don’t tell me you care what he says. What he says is not important on a regular day. What he says is even more unimportant when he doesn’t talk about Madonna and he’s showing us his Brazilian Bush.

I mean, it’s right there.

Like, straight up FUR.

Prude isn’t my style, so I’m not here to soapbox like a Hasselbeck about the fact that his pubes are being dispersed across a glossy. But if you’re a prude you probably don’t want to keep reading. Just... it’s not my favourite thing. Because I have an associative mind. I have a hard time shutting things down in my imagination. Which is why I’m so bad with bathrooms. If I walk into a public bathroom and someone forgets to flush properly, I immediately fixate on how badly it smells, and what would happen if I was being tortured and someone were to shove my head in the bowl. I KNOW. I’m f-cked up.

So now I’m looking at Jesus’s bush and instead of getting turned on, I’m now wondering about how that sheet was placed where it was. If that was the work of an assistant. And whether or not the assistant had to touch it. And whether or not he showered. And when he doesn’t shower, given the bush thickness, whether or not there was odour. Some people have different hygiene standards. I once lived with a girl who by appearance seemed like hygiene would be important but she managed to sleep in her room even after her hamster died without cleaning it up for an entire day. I’m just saying you never know.

Hopefully you can enjoy these without the same neurotic tangents.

Click here for Jesus Luz’s interview with Interview and more photos.