Because she has to beg for love.

Over and over and over again.

Three relationships and three times it’s been the same bitter end, to say nothing of the fact that Adam Levine goes around telling people that she showed up to his hotel room wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and a fresh bikini wax underneath. Did I ever tell you about that one?

What’s a Maroon to do? Of course he nailed that sh*t.

And of course they all laugh about it afterwards. They laugh at the girl who has no shame, who is constantly shamed by her own father, who never learned pride when it comes to boys, and who, as a result, is constantly getting dumped, and dumped on, by everyone around her.

If only Jessica Simpson has a few true girlfriends. It’s what separates her from being a loser in love to, at the very least, a girl who cries in the privacy of her own bedroom, on the shoulders of people she can trust, instead of in the pages of a tabloid.

Word is she and Tony Romo had split. Unfortunately for her papa pimp Joe Simpson, he could only close the Ashlee/Pete wedding photo deal with pictures of Jess and Tony that were to appear on the cover along with the newlyweds which is enough of an embarrassment in and of itself. No one cares about Ashlee, see?

As such, given that Tony and Jess weren’t speaking, Joe had to call up Tony and BEG HIM to come. Otherwise he’d be out over a million dollars. Can you imagine? Most of can’t even deal with our dads picking up the phone when our boyfriends call. Can you imagine your dad asking a dude to do him a solid and take you out for the night? Wouldn’t you be dead by now???

Tony obliged and the two are now tenuously back together having just spent the weekend in Dallas ….but at what cost? Jess is effectively limping into their reconciliation a second class citizen, the recipient of a “favour”, a charity case, as his return was only precipitated by her father getting down on his hands and knees and pleading for the money.

In the Simpson Family, saving face takes second place to the bank account. No surprise why she’s so unlucky in love. And even though she and Tony totally do make sense, am told they won’t make it past the summer. Jess will be single (and high waisted) again by NFL Week 2.