What would it be like without John Mayer?

I’ll never stop slagging him but I also don’t want him to stop asking to be slagged.

So there was a story circulating yesterday that John Mayer has been secretly urinating on Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach/The Hills – click here for more.

As you know, John loves it when we talk about him. And he loves it even more that he has an opportunity to talk about himself.

Of course he took to his Twitter https://twitter.com/johncmayer immediately to address the rumour.

How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.

If he had stopped there, it would have been funny. But you know John. He kept going…

I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.

My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.

I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.

Then, becoming increasingly turned on, he promptly jerked himself off to one of his new songs.

This is Kristin yesterday loving the spotlight. She probably circulated the story herself.

And John a few days ago leaving Katsuya.

Photos from Wenn.com and REVOLUTION PIX/Bauergriffinonline.com