It was Taylor Swift’s birthday yesterday. Many of her friends wished her Happy Birthday on social media. Taylor herself, however, stayed social media silent. Was she silent because she wanted to spend her birthday in private? Or was she silent because she wanted to make a thing out of spending her birthday in private? I choose option number two. And in the end it kinda worked in her favour because while she wasn’t talking about her birthday herself, John Mayer decided to make her a birthday a bigger deal than it had to be by tweeting and then deleting this:

What I always say about John Mayer is that he can never f-cking help himself. He can never just leave it alone. Almost 40 years old and still stirring up girl sh-t, even when he tries to pretend like he’s past the girl sh-t. Some people will always be about the girl sh-t. Taylor Swift is one of those people. John Mayer is also one of those people. Even though he thinks he was being so clever clever with this follow-up tweet:

Some people are taking that to mean that he’s denying that his original tweet about December 13th being the “lamest day of the year, conceptually” (as if using that word is somehow evidence of his intellect), was about who we all know it was about. Which… f-ck off. If you’re going to be petty, own your goddamn petty. Don’t pull it down and replace it with some sh-t you think is enigmatic and/or witty like you’re rising above it, like you’re too good for the petty. John Mayer is not too good for the petty. And he should really lean into his petty. A collaboration between him and DJ Columbus Hannigan is what I have in mind. Instead of these weak ass Twitter games. 

On this week’s episode of our Show Your Work podcast, Duana took great satisfaction in my admission that she was right all along about “freaky baby” Natalie Portman. And, yes, I give her that. But I’ll counter with this. I was never, ever, ever on John Mayer. And she and our other friend Michelle, there was a time when they would actually try to defend him. They even went to one of his shows! I’m going to send her this and see if she yells at me about it next week.