Here are Kelly Preston and John Travolta at the Hollywood Awards last night, ever the perfect couple, devoted to each other and of course to their Church.

Word is, she is Xenu’s most loyal disciple and the one responsible for keeping him in check, especially when he falls off the spaceship … which actually wasn’t too long ago. John received an award last night ironically for Hairspray, a film shot in Toronto over several months during which he allegedly used to his cockstand to scare off many a male masseur at some of the city’s finer private health establishments and then at the public facilities when the posh folks found out and asked him to leave. Allegedly.

Curiously enough, rumour has it, this strange pattern has occurred in many other cities across North America.

Perhaps demonstrating the fortitude of one’s manhood is standard scientological greeting? Hello how are you, here is my erection?

Sorry, I digress.

The point is, when John stops drinking the Xenu juice, it is supposedly Kelly who always helps him rediscover the flavour. As such, they say it is she who holds the power and not the other way around.

But she really is so lovely, non? The prettiest face, great hair, a healthy luscious body, and those eyes. Those steel firm eyes.

Chills, chills, chills.

I love Xenu!

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