Tom Cruise and John Travolta are the two most high profile members of the Church of Scientology. With a major summer blockbuster on the way, and after a decade of ridicule and speculation about the blurring between his love life and his religion, Tom’s not going to be the one playing defence against HBO’s Going Clear. So they’ve sent out the original JT.

In a new interview with the Tampa Bay Times, Travolta is all sunshine and rainbows about Xenu:

"I've been so happy with my experience in the last 40 years that I really don't have anything to say that would shed light on [a documentary] so decidedly negative," He explained that the film was made, in his opinion, by "people who were disgruntled with their experiences," and added that the church "has been nothing but brilliant for me."

"I haven't experienced anything that the hearsay has [claimed], so why would I communicate something that wasn't true for me? It wouldn't make sense, nor would it for Tom, I imagine," he continued, referencing Cruise, 52. "I've been brought through storms that were insurmountable, and [Scientology has] been so beautiful for me, that I can't even imagine attacking it. I've helped so many people through hard times -- loss of children, loved ones, physical illnesses. Through many tough, tough life situations I've used the technology to support them and help them. It's always worked... So, why would I even approach a negative perspective? That would be a crime to me, personally, to do that."

Well. He certainly hit the key points, didn’t he? The Church’s position has always been to accuse former members of behaving like jilted ex-lovers. Travolta dutifully repeats that here. And follows it up on the personal side, citing tragedies he’s lived through, and how Scientology has helped him endure his pain. It’s an endorsement for the healing power of “the technology” and its success rate:

“It’s always worked…”???

Few things in life “always” work. Evidently Scientology “always” works. Also? Drugs. And the two are equally hard to quit.