Said it time and again – the reason Johnny Depp is not on the Freebie Five is because Johnny Depp is a Lifetime. More than just one night of raucous rockin’ of your headboard, with Johnny, why and how would you say goodbye?

Check it out - a clip from Julia of Johnny promoting Pirates in the Land of Hello Kitty, with Junior Hello Kitties, at once absurd and yet adorable, Johnny the guest of honour attending a children’s performance meticulously choreographed and rehearsed on his behalf. See how he tries to contain his amusement, clearly aware as a parent that you can’t laugh out loud, that you must take a 7 year old as seriously as possible, but at times unable to hold character.

See also how endearing he is, and truly appreciative of their efforts.

My favourite though is when one of the precocious little girls starts pounding on the keyboard all Beethoven-styles. I can’t believe he didn’t drop dead right then and there.

Endless endless quiveration.

Click here for the clip but make sure your loins are alone. Privacy please.