Perhaps it will be. Is. What I’m about to say.

Deadline reported yesterday that Johnny Depp and Tim Burton have finally lined up Dark Shadows, their next collaboration. He’ll be a vampire, based on 1960s tv show. Everybody seems to be really excited. And I get that. I mean, Depp and Burton is a fantastic combination.

But right now, I’m kinda over Johnny the freak, the fringe, the crazy pirate, Johnny in costume, Johnny made up to look not like Johnny. Even Johnny in Finding Neverland was Johnny being a boy, a boy trapped inside the imagination of a man. It’s been so long since Johnny has played a reasonable, contemporary grown man and not a caricature, not a larger than life exaggeration (Public Enemies). I haven’t seen Johnny looking bloated and weird and trying to be comedic yet in The Tourist yet but something tells me that’s not exactly what I’m looking for.

Dark Shadows
means that Johnny will not be able to work with Tom Hanks and Kathryn Bigelow in Triple Frontier about organised crime in Latin America. See I would have preferred this over Dark Shadows. I’m not actually sure Dark Shadows, creatively, would even be that much of a stretch for him anymore. I mean, we know he can do the macabre and campy, right? There’s no doubt about that, right? Not that there’s doubt that he can thrive in a straight drama without relying on the extracurricular supernatural, but all the same, it’s would be a nice change-up now and again, non?


Oh go on. Yell at me. I probably deserve it.

Here’s the trailer again for The Tourist. I’m sorry. He looks like sh-t in this movie. Brangelunatics keep shouting at me over email that this movie is going to the greatest invention since ever, and that very well might be true, but it doesn’t mean he looks good.

File photo from