Johnny Depp’s fiancée is in a new movie with Kevin Costner called 3 Days To Kill. A gripping thriller, no doubt. The premiere was last night in LA and they walked the carpet together hand in hand and there was some kissing and nuzzling and this is supposed to make you want to go see your first ever Amber Heard movie.

Does it?

Will you?

To me he looks dorkier and dorkier every time he steps out. Even though there are no rips in his clothes and not a scarf in sight, nothing smells cool about Johnny Depp anymore. Nothing. And this is how she’s getting him: not in the prime but on the decline.