So many of you emailed and tweeted at me about this last night. The Mr Peanut thing. And several other outlets are on the peanut train. And I decided I’d be lazy and just go with it because Johnny Depp has become a cartoon cliché. So why should I expend any originality on his ass when I could be saving it for someone else?

Mr Peanut it is.

Mr Peanut who is always in a costume and that’s why my friend Lorella said for once, for this, for White Tie at the Costume Institute, why couldn’t he just go classic and leave the goddamn cane at home?

In Johnny Depp’s mind, being original is a constant, don’t you know?

And his fiancé in Giambattista Valli that could have been Elie Saab (read: comatose) and if you’re a Valli dress that could be mistaken for a Saab, why f-cking bother? If I were a dress, I’d have a hard time bothering for Amber Heard, it’s true. Especially right now when every time we see her she’s standing next to a man who’s just become a common household salty snack.