Ewan McGregor was the best last night at the Mortdecai premiere. A bow tie and a leather jacket? Not everyone. But definitely, definitely Ewan. Forever Ewan. Especially true when he’s with Johnny Depp. There’s flair the way Ewan delivers it. And then there’s whatever it is that Johnny Depp is trying to give us. Or take back. Roll back. About 10 years.

So, finally, the embargo has been lifted on the reviews for the film. According to the Telegraph, Mortdecai is “psychotically unfunny”. Here’s how Variety describes Depp’s performance and how it affects those who have to work with him:

“Then again, Depp has entered a realm of performance so self-amused, one imagines most co-stars would struggle to forge chemistry with him. (As a margarine-slick Yank billionaire also in the hunt for the Goya, the redoubtable Jeff Goldblum goes largest and comes closest.) Resplendent with eccentric, Peter Sellers-indebted vocal tics and spasms, his Mortdecai is neither a careless nor an artless creation. But it is, for all its energy, a somewhat airless one — an experiment fostered by a film that’s in thrall to little else.”

So, basically, this isn’t storytelling. It’s just letting the camera roll on Johnny Depp being weird. This is what, the third or fourth, maybe even fifth Johnny Depp movie that has not impressed? If he were a woman, he’d be professionally punished. But don’t worry about Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp will coast along.