There’s a way to style-coordinate with your partner. We’ll see an example of that in a minute. And there’s a way to not style-coordinate with your partner. We’re seeing an example of that courtesy Johnny Depp and his fiancée. I’ll wait here until you can stop rolling your eyes. If you can stop rolling your eyes.

So it’s the future Mrs Depp’s birthday today. She’s now 28. And they were in New York last night to celebrate. Check them out arriving at the hotel with their hats on – his the ripped fedora, hers in black with a wider brim.

Oh my God, would you give me a f-cking break, Johnny Depp? Literally, a break. A break from having to be embarrassed for you every time you leave your house? You didn’t leave your house for Johnny Depp this weekend. As you’ve probably heard, Transcendence was an official bomb both critically and commercially, the latest in a series of busts for the man who used to be Robert Downey Jr.

HuffPo posted an article yesterday titled “Transcendence is a real bad flop for Johnny Depp". The Daily Beast followed with one titled “Why Are All Of Johnny Depp’s Movies Bombing At The Box Office?” Seriously, and again, he’s in Tom Cruise territory now.

But like Tom, Johnny’s had a long, good run. The most successful years of his career, both in quality and in box office, happened to be during his long, good run with Vanessa Paradis. Coincidence or conspiracy? Because since he consciously uncoupled from Vanessa, the professional life has gone to sh-t. And I’m not sure that’s what Amber Heard signed up for. Should we start comparing her to Tori Spelling’s husband now?