Page Six reports today that Johnny Depp is considering breaking up with his long-time agent Tracey Jacobs because all his movies suck and he’s “devastated” that they’ve not been well received. Supposedly he’s thinking about working with Rick Yorn who manages Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Scorsese, Reese Witherspoon, Scarjo, Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, and more. By the way, Yorn also reps Lukas Haas which…

One of these is not like the others.

Anyway, Depp’s publicist, Robin Baum, has already told Page Six that their story is full of sh-t. And here’s why I’m inclined to believe her:

I don’t know if Johnny Depp is capable of feeling embarrassed. Devastated? Him? He’s the guy who hangs out with Marilyn Manson like they’re the cool kids in Grade 12, dominating the cafeteria. Click here if you missed that reference. That’s actually how Manson characterised their friendship.

So, no, I doubt Johnny is embarrassed. Or devastated. The problem is me. And you. Us. We just don’t get it. We can’t appreciate his singular originality. We can’t appreciate him in Japan, with his fiancée, with his hair in his eyes and his expression all “I’m a f-cking badass”. And at the photo call today, in his hat and his ropes and his rings and his cuffs, all “I’m the one and only”.

And we certainly wouldn’t understand him up on stage last night with Alice Cooper playing guitar, just after he told the press that he finds it “sickening” when actors try to be musicians:

“That whole idea for me is a sickening thing, it’s always just made me sick. I’ve been very lucky to play on friends’ records and it’s still going. Music is still part of my life. But you won’t be hearing the Johnny Depp Band. That won’t ever exist.”

OK but if he wasn’t Johnny Depp, would he be jamming with Bruce Springsteen and Neil Young and Aerosmith etc etc etc?