You know, she understands the role she’s supposed to play. Remember Sunset Boulevard? Remember how much Norma understood about the business and what was required?

Julia Roberts is not Norma Desmond. Not yet. But she knows what it is that’s required of her, and it’s a few things. 

  1. 1. Sass
  2. 2. Sparkly eyes with tears in them
  3. 3. That laugh.
  5. There are bonus points for red hair, an IDGAF but still look gorgeous dress and various extras, like mentions of her kids.
  7. On the red carpet, she was striding in her hot as hell one-piece tux, even though she needed higher heels, and even though Emma Stone is constantly breathing down Julia’s neck in every sartorial way. Still, you loved it. You got the Julia smile with the unimpressed lip purse and eyebrow raise. 
  9. But inside,  the first clear shot of Julia is when Frances McDormand wins – beating our girl herself –and basically says that dressing up and makeup is bullsh*t, and they cut to beautiful, beautiful Julia, whose eyes are sparkling with something akin to tears. “Wow”, she whispers. Not for the camera, of course, they just happen to catch it. 
  11. And then when she goes to present, oh then. 
  13. You know how people say this actress or that one is an ice queen? Julia Roberts is not an ice queen. She is a FIRE queen. She is not cold in her disdain but rather flaming hot.
  15. “They had some Wordy Little Tongue Twister they wanted me to say.”
  17. That’s not a little bit icy, that’s a straight-up fireball and I love that she sees no reason not to go right on in for it. And then she’s going to mention Mark Ruffalo, because as Lainey would want me to point out, she wants us to know that she knows him and you don’t, because see earlier where she is Julia Roberts and she says what she wants to say.
  19. To my knowledge, JR did not deliver The Laugh on camera but there are bound to be photo spreads later that will fulfill the trifecta. I await them.
  21. (Lainey: I don’t have shots of “The Laugh” but I do have shots of her playing big all-knowing sister to just about everyone but Meryl Streep.)