Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep were pretty tight last night at the Critics’ Choice Awards. They were on the carpet together, they sat together, they hugged several times, and for the most part, on those occasions, Julia held down The Julia, because even Julia knows that Julia < Meryl Streep.

Once she left her seat however, and walked on stage to present Best Picture, well, then she gave us what we came for. Only Julia Roberts could take the most important award of the night and turn it into a moment about how Julia Roberts did not win. Oh, and her mom. So you can’t sh-t on her because she was talking about her mom. God she makes me crazy. God I love her.

Oh look! As sanctimonious as she is, check out how Julia’s holding her wine glass – by the bowl. They say this is the wrong way, something about the wine being warmed by your hand. Here’s where I’ll defend her. Because that kind of wine etiquette is for assholes. Pretentious assholes. It’s wine. If you drink it at the speed I drink it, you won’t notice the f-cking temperature.

Julia's dress is a custom Juan Carlos Obando.