Some deputies are trying to plant drugs in Shelby’s truck but he busts them and runs them off. He says he’s got only a couple years to live and wants to accomplish something before he dies, thus running for sheriff. Total crock of sh*t of course. In the world of Justified, everyone lies. Johnny Crowder suggests “putting the fear of God” into the sheriff’s sister in revenge.

Boyd has a face to face with Limehouse who delivers the location of the sheriff’s sister, and the county clerk. I’d like for Limehouse to side with Boyd because I kind of think everyone except Boyd and his people are going to die at the end of all this, and Limehouse is an interesting character. He’s kind of creepy and all-knowing.

It’s Stephen Root as the crazy judge! Raylan is trying to keep Dickie Bennett in jail and wants the judge to keep him there. The judge thinks it’s a revenge thing, because of that one time Dickie tried to kill Raylan with a baseball bat, but it’s probably more Raylan trying to keep Dickie alive, since the moment he gets out of jail, everyone’s going to be after him for Mags’ money.

TABLESCAPES. Boyd gets the drop on Hannah, the sheriff’s sister, and the first words out of his mouth are, “I have been sitting here, enjoying your TABLESCAPES.” Please, show me another bad guy who uses the word TABLESCAPES while making it sound like a death threat. Boyd declines to rough up Hannah, and instead offers her a job. He’s crafty like that.

The AUSA also declines to help Raylan keep Dickie in jail. Countdown to Dickie getting whacked in 10…9…

Boyd running a political campaign is frightening. It’s crooked, the-dead-are-voting stuff, but he’s good at it. He knows Dickie is getting out of jail. 8…7…

Raylan wants the guy who saw Dickie kill people (I no longer remember who killed whom last season) to come clean about what Dickie did. He says if Raylan can get his granny to say that Mags threatened her—Mags brokered the peace in a family dispute—then he’ll come clean about Dickie. Damn these Bennetts! They never go away! They’re like cockroaches!

And Granny had a stroke and can no longer speak. She communicates to Raylan that she wants two milkshakes, then proceeds to dump one on him when he brings them back. Poor Raylan. He cannot catch a break.

There’s a show about people who dig junk out of your backyard. WTF?

The AUSA suggests that Raylan go before the judge himself to try and keep Dickie in jail. Raylan is reluctant, saying that testifying has never gone well for him. Oh now I have to see this…

Napier won the election. How long before someone assassinates him, then? Quarles wants Napier to vacate his office so Quarles can have it. Seriously? Did Napier think Quarles would buy him an election and then let him run off on his own to be sheriff? Is Napier a little girl who got a pony for Christmas? No, he’s on Quarles’ payroll now. He’s the bottom bitch!

The county clerk interrupts Napier and Quarles. So here’s Boyd’s play: Hannah, the sheriff’s sister, was placed on the clerk’s payroll, and Kentucky has nepotism laws which means that, as the relative of a county employee, Napier is ineligible to hold a county office. So Shelby wins the election by default.

Quarles takes this badly.

Boyd delivers another of his awesome monologues to Quarles. Seriously, this show is worth it just for Boyd’s speechifying. Quarles says nothing but he gives Boyd that crazy smile of his. No good comes from that smile, ever.

Oh great, Quarles is getting high on Oxy.

I like how Wynn Duffy doesn’t like to look away from Quarles. It’s not fear, exactly, more like watching a sleeping tiger to make sure it stays asleep. A kid with a gun interrupts them. He’s friends with the rent boy Quarles tortured (killed?). Even stoned, Quarles manages to talk his way out of a sticky situation. He tells a really sad story about killing his father because he was prostituting Quarles to pay for his heroin habit. True story? Maybe. But it’s Justified. Everyone lies.

I like this sassy bartender Raylan is hanging out with. She calls him “Trouble” and “Sadness”. She gives good banter.

Quarles and Duffy show up at the bar. Quarles, still loaded, starts talking sh*t with Raylan. Quarles issues a death threat, Raylan responds by shooting a hole in the ceiling and clearing the bar. Raylan challenges Quarles to a gunfight, because apparently we’re in 1876. Oh, and the sassy bartender actually owns the bar. Better and better. Quarles backs out, then Raylan bangs the sassy bartender/owner. Sounds about right.

Oh goodie, Raylan’s giving his testimony. Art and the AUSA are enjoying watching him stumbling through his speech without talking about Dickie beating him a baseball bat. And then Raylan is all, “Oh whatever just let him go, I’ll be there to arrest him when he inevitably gets in trouble. Also, he’ll lead us to the Bennett money.”

Limehouse wants Errol to bring Dickie to the holler as soon as he sees him. Man, this is going get so messy.

Quarles is doing yet more drugs and acting crazy. Oh man, now he’s torturing that poor kid that confronted him earlier. He really doesn’t handle stress well at all. The final shot of the episode is Neal McDonough’s naked butt. So that’s what that looks like.

Raylan’s body count so far: 1 ½