Justified Season 3 Episode 5 recap

After Rick Grimes threw down in the bar on Sunday’s episode of The Walking Dead, a friend and I discussed who would win in a fight: Officer Rick or Raylan Givens. Conclusion: In a straight-up brawl, Raylan, but if he feels cornered, Rick. Or, as my friend put it: Raylan, but if Rick managed to beat him it wouldn’t be surprising.

We start by learning that Limehouse lied to Dickie about how much of Mags Bennett’s money was left, which is rumored to be $3 million. Seems like only Limehouse knows how much money Mags hid with him, and only Limehouse knows where it’s all at. I predict that Limehouse will meet a nasty end.

Boyd and Arlo Givens are burying Devil. Arlo pick-pockets Devil’s corpse. With a dad who robs corpses, is it any wonder Raylan has a number of personal issues? Boyd uses Devil’s cell phone to determine who turned him against Boyd.

Winona finally reconciles that 1) Raylan is a keeper (despite the aforementioned personal issues) and 2) she can’t change him. It takes her upwards of a decade, two divorces and a remarriage to figure this out.

The sketchy nurse wasn’t torturing Dewey Crowe at the end of the previous episode; he was harvesting Dewey’s organs for the black market! This is the Justified equivalent of Downton Abbey’s burn victim/pretend heir plot line. I.e., it’s ludicrous. So the sketchy nurse has taken out both of Dewey’s kidneys and is holding them hostage for twenty grand (wouldn’t removing your kidneys, and not being on dialysis, kill you? This makes no sense). Dewey has four hours to cheat, lie and steal his way to twenty grand. It is INSANE that this is where we’re at with Dewey Crowe as a character.

Now we’re on Dewey’s trail as he starts his Crime Spree To Buy His Own Kidneys Back. Raylan reports to the scene of Dewey’s first crime, a car-jacking. Excellent exchange between a local cop and Raylan. I like it when we see bits of Raylan’s sense of humor. It’s dry, but it’s there. They find the bloody bathroom in the motel where Dewey and the sketchy nurse were hiding out. “Was Dewey covered in blood, maybe looking a little pale?” Raylan seems to have an inkling about what’s going on.

Dewey’s second crime: Robs an appliance store for $229. Gonna have to do better than that Dewey.

Good God, Raylan Givens is punning. “Laurence Nightingale”, in reference to the sketchy (male) nurse. Who wrote this episode? It’s AWESOME. (Written by Benjamin Cavell and Jon Worley, a staff writer on Terriers. Damn, the Terriers alums are tearing it up this week—Michael Raymond James was the excellent and chilling Philadelphia Dave on this week’s Walking Dead.)

Dewey’s third crime: Robs strippers at 10 AM. The man has no kidneys yet he can pistol whip the sh*t out of a dude. I repeat: HE HAS NO KIDNEYS. WHICH STILL SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE.

So this episode is going to be all about Raylan traipsing after Dewey Crowe on this totally ludicrous crime spree. Obviously, I LOVE THIS.

One of the strippers recognizes Dewey’s surgical cuts as kidney transplants. Raylan is making connections—he’s heading straight to the prison guard that broke out Dewey and Dickie.

Dewey’s fourth crime: Knocks over a Laundromat. Bank, dude. Rob a BANK.

Cut back to Boyd at the bar with Ava. Boyd’s depressed that he had to kill Devil. Not that he did kill Devil, but that he had to. Important difference. To cheer him up, Ava shows him her gunshot wound scar, and he shows her his. The couple that scars together stays together?

It shouldn’t be funny, but the way Raylan tortures the guard is hysterical. Running him down last episode (“You didn’t have to run me over TWICE”), now withholding morphine while leaning on his broken leg in order to extract information. I know this is totally twisted, but it’s just so Raylan that it’s funny.

Raylan interrogates a sanctimonious nurse about doctors who need money, and thus would be performing black-market organ harvests. The vibe with the nurse—who is pretty as well as sanctimonious—is definitely flirty. Ruh roh…

Boyd pressures the doctor that’s selling Oxy for Quarles for information. Boyd is scary.

Dewey’s fifth crime: Robs a convenient mart. It takes him a comically long time to withdraw his gun. Plus, the kindly old man behind the counter has a shotgun. Now he has no kidneys and is wounded in the leg (how is he not dead?!).

Raylan and Deputy Brooks catch up to Dewey at the convenience mart. He’s holed up in the storeroom. Raylan has worked out that Dewey still has his kidneys (OMG—I’m as dumb as DEWEY CROWE) and tells Dewey to take a leak to prove it. Dewey’s response when he successfully completes this experiment: “Oh sh*t. You mean I had four kidneys?”

THIS EPISODE IS HILARIOUS.

The prison guard Raylan tortured died. The cute nurse might be shady, too. The plot thickens.

Boyd’s message to Quarles involves Johnny beating the man who recruited Devil. And that’s pretty much all there is to the message. An ass whooping.

Raylan confronts the (possibly sketchy) cute nurse. The definitely sketchy prison nurse gets the drop on him. Raylan’s weakness is always a pretty girl.

Do you like how I cannot remember anyone’s name ever?

The cute nurse and the sketchy nurse are in this black market thing together. They’re going to…strip Raylan for parts, as it were. I can’t wait to see how this backfires on them.

Well for starters, the cute nurse shoots the sketchy nurse and his body lands on top of Raylan, who is in a bathtub. Then Raylan shoots the cute nurse through the (dead) body of the sketchy nurse. He’s high on tranquilizers throughout. OMG.

Boyd and Quarles sit down. Quarles does not like being called a carpetbagger. Boyd remains scary. Quarles is slightly scarier.

Back to Limehouse, who is spying on Quarles’ business. Revising my opinion: Limehouse is the puppetmaster.

Raylan comes home to find a note. Maybe Winona didn’t learn about not changing Raylan after all…

Raylan’s body count so far: 1 (once again, Raylan has shot someone in the chest and they’re not quite dead yet. Two such instances = 1 kill)