Justified, Season 4, Episode 3 recap.

Timothy Olyphant went on Conan. The result was pretty spectacular -- see video below. He is the coolest person alive.

So we’re skipping over the Raylan/Hot Lindsey/Hot Lindsey’s husband situation to pick up with Boyd dropping in on Preacher Billy’s sister, Cassie. Pamela emailed that she finds Walton Goggins very hot on Justified. You are not alone, Pamela. You are not alone.

Boyd Crowder does not waste time—he goes right to the heavy implication of incest. Except when he does, his attempt to bribe Cassie into leaving Harlan County and thus lessen the squeeze on his drug trade doesn’t work. She won’t be so easily pushed out, but she’s misjudged Boyd, too. He is way more dangerous than she realizes. They do have a kind of snappy energy between them though—not sexy, but more like the vibe between Raylan and Mags Bennett. Cassie and Boyd are well-matched opponents. This will end in tears.

Oh-ho. Hot Lindsey has an illegal past. She used to work with her husband, Randall, to rob men, until Randall beat one of the marks half to death in a jealous rage. Raylan takes it in stride, but then, it’s hard to tell what he really thinks about things most of the time.

It’s also hard to focus on this scene because Raylan is walking around in his undershirt and all I can think is SHOUDLERS.

Boyd sends Rhodes and a lackey to the church to scare Billy and Cassie, but the lackey basically gets eaten by snakes.

Where the hell is Johnny?

Well gosh, Raylan has completely disposed with the tact hasn’t he? I’m not sure rubbing his relationship with Hot Lindsey in the recently-paroled Randall’s face is the best idea.

Every time Raylan offers someone a deal like, say, “go back to Florida or I will send you back”, I yell at my TV: “Take the deal or HE WILL KILL YOU ‘TIL YOU’RE DEAD.”

Randall is not going to take this deal.

Deputy Brooks is in trouble and she cites Raylan’s many cock-up gun battles as an example. He’s a terrible influence, truly.

Back to the bag plot—they’ve tracked down Drew Thompson’s widow and intend to ambush her with the news that her husband is not, in fact, dead after all these years. Gutterson and Raylan on a road trip—it won’t end well.

Oh here’s Johnny! Confabbing with Wynn Duffy about killing Boyd. Turns out Johnny is still pissed about that whole “got shot and permanently disabled in Boyd’s shootout” thing. This won’t end well either.
This poor kid has a snake stuck to his face. At least he does until the doctor TEARS IT OFF.

Enter Gutterson.

Drew Thompson’s widow is a psychic huckster. And she throws down a line I have heard several times from Southern relations: “Go in any men’s room and [her number] will be scrawled on the wall.” It’s those little touches of authenticity that make it.

The psychic busts Raylan about his play date with Randall. Gutterson: “He does something stupid every day. Can you be a little more specific?”

An FBI agent crashes the party—Gutterson is all, “that dude is watching us”, cool as a cucumber—which spooks the widow. She exits stage left and gets clocked by a thug-type. And now she’s in the wind. Gutterson is annoyed.

And Art is annoyed that Raylan and Gutterson lost Mrs. Thompson and the FBI hijacked the case. But Raylan’s suspicious.

Crooked FBI agent! Is it still crooked if he’s breaking rules because his family’s been threatened?

Someone’s going to kill this thug. My money’s on Gutterson.

Cut to Boyd’s bar. The only part of the scene that matters is that Johnny also responds to “Mr. Crowder”.

Randall has cleared out the gym—so far, so good—and Raylan runs into the FBI agent outside. The agent is so obnoxious, someone’s going to kill him, too. My money’s on the thug.

Raylan is SUPER suspicious of this guy.

WHOA. That did not go as expected.

Well, I was half right. The FBI agent does die, but he did it himself. Whoever this Drew Thompson is tangled up with they are seriously dangerous. He’s so terrified to tell Raylan anything he killed himself as soon as he revealed the location of the kidnapped widow.

This thug SUCKS.

Gutterson busting through doors might be my new favorite thing. The more in-charge they let him be, the more interesting he gets.

Theo Tonin—that’s the bad dude presumably looking for Drew Thompson.

What we’ve learned re: the mystery bag. Drew Thompson saw Theo Tonin kill a government informant, which is why he faked his death. Still not sure what a bag full of cocaine has to do with this.Hopefully this closing scene with Preacher Billy is going to justify the snake bite subplot.

What we’ve learned re: the snakes. Cassie milked them of their venom before Billy handled them and he didn’t know. Boyd’s lackey not dying from having a snake hanging off his face clued him in to the lack of venom in the bite. So be brought a fresh-caught snake to the church for Billy to play with but Cassie stopped him (eerily reminiscent of a prank a cousin once played on me, actually).

Billy’s all upset about this snake thing and won’t listen to Boyd trying to talk him down. He will play with his snake, dammit! Billy just wants to play with his snake!

Predictably, the snake bites Billy.

What we’ve learned re: Billy. He’s a moron.

Deputy Brooks has left her husband, is drinking with Raylan. Something is up with her.

Hot Lindsey has abandoned ship with, it appears, Randall. And also, Raylan’s cash stash. Oh Hot Lindsey. Do you know what you’ve done?

What we’ve learned re: Hot Lindsey. She is doomed.

Instances of Gutterson being a badass: 2
Raylan’s body count so far: 0 (but Hot Lindsey and Randall are in his crosshairs)/15