Dear Gwyneth: what friends are for

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 25, 2006 12:00:00 September 25, 2006 12:00:00
I frequently contend that much of the ridiculous that "TRANSPIRES" in Hollywood can be attributed to the fact that these people are desperately lacking in genuine friendship, with a loosely formulated theory still in its infancy that supposes that the more famous the celebrity, the less authenticity exists in her companions, illustrated quite beautifully among the Hollywood Slut Brigade, and of course Lindsay Lohan featuring prominently as Exhibit A. Symptoms of the aforementioned dearth in honest friendship include, but are not limited to, assy fashion, assy behaviour, and assy decision making, begging the question - if Lilo really has such great friends, why does she keep going out with dirty all over her face??? And then there"s my Gwyneth: known for an entourage boasting of Madonna, Stella, Plum, Michael Stipes; known for running with an A crowd; known for never hesitating to remind us that she"ll always be better, that she"ll NEVER EVER be one of "US" - all things I wholeheartedly approve of as a likeminded bitchy friend and admirer but for the one smear on her otherwise perfect resumé, her tendency to pick and choose her paparazzi moments, smiling here, hiding there, with all the hypocrisy engendered by the likes of Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz, and even Leonardo DiCaprio. And while I remain endlessly devoted to my Gwynnie, a Claymate I"ll never be, and as my mother always says - you should be the hardest on the people you love. Because with great commitment comes great responsibility and also great objectivity. True love is not blind, you see. True love is in fact unbiased, willing to sacrifice for substance, in other words - I"ll call her on the kind of bullsh*t that drives me crazy… the kind of insufferable Hollywood attitude she shares with other insufferable Hollywood players: that somehow they arrived at where they are on sheer talent alone, without public opinion, without the surge of momentum inspired by the "regular" folk, the ones who buy the magazines and visit the blogs, the ones whose appetites are fed by candid photos, the ones who roll their eyes at images of Gwyneth and Cam and Leo protesting behind hoodies and umbrellas and forearms, all enjoying their multi million dollar paycheques and the privilege of a life that never involves waiting in line, flying coach, or even getting cold. So give it a rest Gwyneth. Give it a rest with the anti-pappy posturing. Because the irony of you pulling this sh*t on the heels of your recent trip to PROMOTE YOUR OWN FRAGRANCE no less, is lost on no one, least of all your most hardcore supporter. Oh, and while we"re at it, since I"ll always have your back… Girl… you looked like hell at Alasdair Willis"s (married to Stella McCartney) design event the other night. The frump, the shoes, the limp greasy hair… Wait… But wait for it gossips… The new Gwyneth mantra: she"s a mother, she"s too busy breastfeeding and changing nappies and going on ad nauseum about being a mother and breastfeeding and changing nappies… Yes Gwyneth. We GET it…WE KNOW…but seriously… Are those Isotoners on her feet? Are Isotoners the new Louboutins? Are you f&cking kidding me???

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