Just three days after a photo emerged of Jessica Biel getting her Shelf Ass groped by a girlfriend at the Packer game and two days after the National Enquirer reported a total bullsh-t story that she and Pip had broken up, the two went out for lunch in Brentwood yesterday and conveniently got papped - holding hands obligingly and giving up some beautiful photos that leave no doubt about the status of their relationship.

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Her publicist doesn’t miss a beat.

But look at them looking at each other. He’s totally cool and comfortable. She on the other hand, poor girl, seems wound up tighter than Nicole Kidman’s forehead. Not that you can assume anything accurately by one series of images but still…with Shelf Ass it’s every series of images.

And we’ve all been there, haven’t we? When you like someone so much, when it borders on obsession, that you’re a ball of anxiety when you’re not with him, and a ball of anxiety when you are with him, wondering how much longer you’ll be with him for – so in love you can’t be happy or at peace...

Doesn’t she look it? She looks it to me.

Check it out – as he’s doubled over laughing and the friend is smiling widely, all Biel can bear is a closed-lipped grin, clutching on to his fingers for deal life. And when she does show teeth she still appears to be clenching with the mantra going round and round inside her head: when can we be alone? I just want to be alone….

Maybe if she worked this hard at taking care of her dogs, one of them wouldn’t be dead. Just sayin’…

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