You donΓÇÖt think I hate myself?

I HATE MYSELF TODAY.

But remember, this is not a PREFERENCE. This is a PREDICTION. So to answer your questions, for those of you who keep emailing about Michael Fassbender...

This is PEOPLE Magazine.

How many PEOPLE Magazine subscribers do you think know Michael Fassbender?

Come on now.

Michael Fassbender is not a household name. The SMA is always, always, always a household name.

Justin Timberlake is a household name.

Arguments for:
-Oh heΓÇÖs some kind of movie actor now, I guess.
-Oh heΓÇÖs, like, the best guest host ever on SNL and everybody thinks so, I guess.
-HeΓÇÖs over 30
-HeΓÇÖs American with the true American success story
-He wants it BAD. He would do anything for it. He would give up exclusive photos. He would do the interview. He would write them a f-cking song if they asked him to
-He went to the ball with a Marine and posted a (poorly written) letter on his website about how grateful he was for the opportunity.

Arguments against:
-Some would question whether or not he had the Dude Vote. IΓÇÖd say, well, heΓÇÖs hosted the ESPYs and the dudes are always quoting his sh-t on Saturday Night Live so I think heΓÇÖs more ahead on the Dude Vote than you think.
-HeΓÇÖs a douchebag (but not enough people know this)
-He cheated on his girlfriend (but she took him back so the MiniVan Majority must be all like, yay, true love!)
-His ego. (Whatever. Millions of people keep watching and forgiving Ashton Kutcher so... I donΓÇÖt think the PEOPLE audience holds JTΓÇÖs ego against him.)

Odds: 2 to 1

And thatΓÇÖs how we end.

Now itΓÇÖs your turn! Send me your picks!

Regular gossip coming up...