The dirty perv that I am, I cannot get enough of 50 Cent’s new video for Ayo Technology featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland. First of all, the song is an instant groove. Next, those Paris Hilton porn video green light camera shots are embarrassingly hot. Not down with Timberland’s voyeur-style Minority Report sections but am definitely all over Pipsqueak’s threshold foreplay.

It is possible? Pip’s balls have finally dropped a little? Craziest thing: it’s the first time there’s been a tingle down there.

Clearly it’s his talent. Undeniably talented. And the dance moves. And he wears pants well. And he’s tall. And with a little grizzle, he can pass off 25 almost convincingly. And it looks like he can deliver quite a kiss. Check out the technique...

So then I youtubed some more. Decided to revisit his video for What Goes Around with Scarlett Johansson, thought maybe with the newfound quiver it would be different. Mistake. It wasn’t. Not different. And the acting is still f&cking atrocious.

The problem with Pip is what many of you can’t stand about Becks: it’s the speaking voice, you see. When he’s singing, I guess it’s one thing. Not singing? Not so much. Not singing and not dancing but speaking and trying to act? Absolutely horrid.

So as a last gasp, I tried out an interview. Found a clip of little Pip on Parkinson. And that was the end. JT isn’t terribly articulate, is he? Some might even say, like Becks, that he’s actually kinda dumb. At one point he used the word “relative” when he meant to say “relevant”. And in combination with the bad attitude, boy pop appeal, the megalomania, the suspended testicles, and that hernia voice, JT’s questionable intellect was the final nail that killed the quiver. No quiver here.

But still…that video is the crazy sh-t.

Click here to watch and also attached – Pip and Biel out for dinner the other night in matching outfits. Oh no…Shelf Ass NEVER plans anything.

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