On Monday night, the Not Sexiest Man Alive Justin Timberlake attended the launch of The Beauty Book for Brain Cancer in Hollywood. Jessica Biel was there too, in black, but they did not pose together.

Last night the two were at the Elle December issue party at Chateau Marmont. Biel is on the cover. I LOVE HER CLUTCH. In fact, I think I love the whole everything that she’s wearing here. Thank you Joe Zee.

As for him...

Pips, are you actually sh-t talking Ryan Gosling???


You’ve been checking his name a lot lately. Because he has the career you’re so hard up for?

As IF Justin Timberlake could have Half Nelsoned his way to an Oscar nomination.

Justin Timberlake can Half Nelson his way to a high note, sure. He can drop a beat and sing Hallelujah, totally. But what the f-ck is with the constant acting?

I feel like... I feel like this is a crazy ass brilliant practical joke. Or that I’m in Physics class - always my worst. Why do I see one thing and the whole industry apparently sees another? How come he’s the worst actor ever and the Coen Brothers want him and now Warren Beatty too??? Reportedly he’s up for the lead role opposite Felicity Jones in Beatty’s upcoming film about Howard Hughes...which, ok, why the f-ck is he being considered but also...

Felicity Jones is GORGEOUS.

And if he tries to get with her the way he tried to get with Mila Kunis?


It’s Great for Gossip and, poor thing, really sh-t for Jessica Biel. This is what happens when you take back a chronic player.

Still...back to the subject of Pippy’s acting, if you can call it that - WHY is this happening?

He’s alright at sketch comedy and he can play himself. The end. You ask for anything more and you get...

Friends With Benefits.

I watched it on the plane coming home from London this weekend. Jesus, it’s the worst. He’s so bad he makes Mila bad. He’s so bad he’s like Junior Mint Taylor Lautner - telegraphs every line, every gesture, every facial expression.

Here it comes! Justin’s about to laugh! Oh and wait for it - Justin’s mad, he’s mad!

The craziest part too is that, like, remember when he and Mila said that they had to “rework the script” themselves? Click here for a refresher.

And THIS is what we ended up with after his brilliant script doctoring?

Oh I see where we’re going. Because, you know, Ryan Gosling has a similar collaborative relationship with his directors, you know? On Blue Valentine, he and Michelle Williams worked with a very loose screenplay for Derek Cianfrance, improvising as they went along. And on Drive, with Nicolas Winding Refn, Gosling was very active in setting the tone of his character and the mood of film. The results, as you’ve seen - or maybe not because you people don’t see Ryan Gosling movies, you only look at his photos - are two gorgeous, quality films. (The COMBINED grosses of Blue Valentine and Drive barely add up to the total gross of Friends With Benefits. Come on! Can we be mad about this together!!!???)

So, yeah, like Justin Timberlake tweaking the script for a movie called Friends With Benefits is, oh my God, totally the same as Ryan Gosling working with auteur directors on independent films.

Picture me, looking up at the sky, completely flummoxed. I don’t...understand...anything. And ultimately, I am chumps in this game because, guess what? Justin Timberlake keeps getting the work.