Once a month right? Nicole Kidman’s idea of menstruation apparently involves making people think she’s pregnant on a regular basis.

Australian tabloids are reporting that Nicole Kidman and her employee husband are expecting thanks to fertility treatments. According to them, this time it’s like totally true because she’s “told her friends”. No idea if it’s legit, although since Naomi Watts is pregnant, I can’t imagine Nic not resorting to any means necessary to steal the spotlight back into her corner. After all, why Botox the sh-t out of your face if not to deal with the glare?

But for all the attempts at staying youthful, how ironic that she looks so… OLD. It’s the hair, yes. Like that little bitty from Titanic, you remember the one? Gloria Stewart, was that her name?

SUCH a shame, really. Because Nicole Kidman is so beautiful without the desperation. And she has so many beautiful examples ahead of her. Like Meryl and Helen Mirren and Susan Sarandon - all mature sexy bitches who haven’t gone overboard trying to stay 35.

Kinda gives you a glimpse into that controlling psyche, doesn’t it?

As for the marriage – I’m told she’s very happy. Especially since he’s toeing the company line and the MiniVan Majority approved so heartily of her “stand by your man” routine. Then came the tattoo – NICOLE all over his arm. Hardly as offensive as KFed Jr but motivationally the equivalent. He says it was a Christmas gift to his wife. Nashville gossips say it was an order to make up for the public embarrassment. As for Nashville and the constant waxing on her part about it being where “we live”, I’m told he’s hardly in town, never mind her. When he does come in, it’s a quick dash and leave, although given that the local buzz is getting louder about their absence, many are predicting new photos soon of the newly rehabilitated couple walking hand in hand, enjoying the bucolic southern surroundings they now call “Home”…and the pappies will just happen to be around.

Coincidence …. Or conspiracy?

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